Альмечитов Игорь
Tatyana’s
letter to Oneghin
(Translation
from A.S.Pushkin’s novel Evgeny Oneghin)
I
forced myself to write to you,
I
could not stand that burning wish
A
caged bird now in your hands
You
can just set me free or punish.
But
you, descending to my poor state,
You
can’t be nonchalant I’m sure nor blind
You
can’t be cruel to my fate
And
keeping just a bit of, no,
Not
love but probably compassion
You won’t fade away and leave me
Not
sharing even in the least
My
scorching and uninvited passion.
I
wanted keep it in myself
At
the beginning, please, believe me
You’d
never get that poor letter,
You’d
never know of my shame
Or
expectations of my soul
If
having just a bit of hope
I
would be sure to simply hear
Your
voice or maybe see
Your
noble face in candle light
And
thinking, thinking all the time
Of
a new meeting just in crowd
Of
people too indifferent to feelings...
But
there are rumors – you’re a hermit
I
don’t believe that can be true...
Although
it’s boring in the country-side
Far
from the capital and court...
But
we... What can I say about us?
There’s
nothing very outstanding or great
Or
even fascinating
Though
we are glad to, no,
I’d
say, are happy
Just
to meet you here.
Why
did you visit us?
In
depth of God-forgotten place
I’d
have never known you
Nor
learnt the sorrow and pain
Of
the unblurred conscience...
Who
knows maybe in the future
I’ll
find someone who would be
A
friend and husband and good father
And
me... I could be a faithful wife and loving mother...
Some
other person...
I
will never give my aching heart
To
anyone except you...
And
I don’t know who you are
And
I don’t care.
The
devil maybe or the angel
The
only thing for me is clear –
You
are a reflection of my dreams
And
have been sent to me by providence
Or
God, who knows.
And
I’d been loving your charming image
Before
I even saw it...
Long
ago, no, it was not a dream nor reverie.
And
when you filed in through that door
Me,
burning down, petrified
I
knew exactly that was him!
The
only thought was crying
And
pounding inside.
And
I remembered again your voice
As
you just talked to me
So
many times in silence
While
I was helping poor people
And
calming down the violence
In
their souls or praying God
Intending
by the prayer
To
set some peace in mine.
And
at this very moment
Was
not it you, my dear angel,
That
flickered in dazzling darkness
And
kissed me silently?
Was
not it you, that lovingly
Some
words of hope whispered to me?
Please,
solve the doubts of a soul
Newborn
and trapped in devil’s web.
Or
maybe that’s even not worth thinking of?
And
life itself is storing some other lot for me...
But,
no, right now I’m giving all myself to you
Without
any rest.
And
heavy tears are rolling down my cheeks
As
though asking for a defence
And
words of consolation.
You
just imagine – I’m all alone here
And
no one else can mere understand...
My
mind is pressed by burden of...
How
they call it? Common sense?
Yes,
that’s it... "sense”...
I’m
left and dying...
And
looking forward to see you
Here
one more time.
Please,
come and set some peace in mind,
Or
break the dream
So
clear and fragile.
With
the only word of fear or reproach!
I’m
finishing! I’m frightened to reread,
The
shame and fear my body penetrated.
But
I believe you won’t spoil the life
And
reputation of a girl
So
innocent and young as me
In
this world where everything
So
unjustly was created.
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